What should you do if your baby isn’t sleeping?

Babies sleep a lot—a whole lot! You can easily count on roughly 16 hours a night. This makes sense, as the small brain is in full development. During sleep, we distinguish two types of sleep: non-REM sleep and REM sleep. The latter can be recognized by the alternating fast and slow eye movements.

REM sleep allows the brain to process information. This can include events, emotions, and all kinds of impressions. The proportion of REM sleep will never peak as high again as during the first part of your very young life. For a child’s brain in full development, sleep is therefore essential for proper brain development.

What to do if your baby isn’t sleeping?

Sleep deprivation is a common problem for young parents. In theory, it sounds fantastic: a newborn sleeps 16 hours a day. But what if they won’t sleep just when you want to? Unborn babies sleep almost constantly. From the moment they are born, they truly have to learn to sleep as we know it. That is why their sleep is often fragmented.

They don’t yet know the difference between day and night and can sometimes have difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. Parents don’t always recognize all the signals yet, and sometimes this can lead to a lot of stress. In this article, we provide six tips to help your baby sleep better.

Tip 1: Recognize your baby’s sleep signals

Babies give off signals when they are tired. Pay attention to these signs to prevent your baby from becoming overtired. Sleep signals include:

• Rubbing their eyes
• Fiddling with their ears
• Red cheeks or ears
• No longer wanting to play
• Whining or being very active

Over time, you will recognize your own child’s signals and know when it’s bedtime or when your baby is hungry.

Tip 2: Create a safe sleep environment

A baby needs to feel safe to sleep well. Therefore, ensure a dark, quiet, and cool bedroom for the night. The ideal room temperature is around 18 degrees Celsius. Until the age of 1, and certainly until the baby is 6 months old, your baby should preferably sleep in their own crib in your bedroom. This allows you to hear, see, and feel if everything is going well. Babies need the proximity of a parent to calm their nervous system; this is called co-regulation. If you frequently ignore the signals your baby sends out, attachment can become disrupted because fundamental trust is lacking.

This doesn’t mean you have to put a baby in a pitch-black bedroom during the day. A relatively quiet space, near supervision, and a comfortable crib for undisturbed sleep are sufficient. This also helps them gradually recognize the difference between day and night. Ultimately, we are teaching them to slowly adapt to a circadian sleep rhythm. Just like us adults, they will then sleep in a day-and-night rhythm.

Avoid using pillows, stuffed animals, or toys in the crib and avoid letting them sleep in a playpen. This can be potentially dangerous for your baby. Your baby does not need a pillow! To avoid overheating and suffocation, it is best not to use a down duvet.

Lay your baby on their back to sleep from day one, unless your doctor prescribes otherwise. A sleeping bag helps them maintain the supine position. Sleeping on the stomach is strongly discouraged. This is entirely due to the increased risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) because breathing can be obstructed and there is a higher chance of overheating or heat stress. Therefore, check on your baby regularly when they are sleeping during the day or in the evening while you are still awake. This way, you can ensure everything is fine.

Tip 3: Establish a consistent sleep ritual

A consistent sleep ritual helps your baby fall asleep. It teaches your baby that it is time for bed. The ritual is soothing and prepares them for sleep. A simple ritual can consist of a bath, a quick cuddle, a story, or a lullaby. You will feel what fits best, and you’ll notice that you can find some peace in it yourself as well.

If you apply this sleep ritual from infancy, a child will also easily learn as a toddler or preschooler that it is time for sleep and rest. Do it together or alternate regularly. This way, your baby learns that the ritual isn’t tied exclusively to mom or dad.

Tip 4: Your baby can sleep even when it’s noisy

Especially during the day, your house doesn’t need to be shrouded in silence. There is simply more noise during the day, and your baby will sleep right through it. In fact, there are certain ASMR sounds, such as ‘white noise,’ that influencers and sellers of white noise apps and devices claim babies find pleasant. However, there is no conclusive scientific evidence; sleep expert Inge Declercq even warns that studies show constant noise just slightly above 30 decibels can already be harmful to sleep. You also condition your baby and make them dependent on this type of sound. So, don’t do it! It is best to let your baby sleep in silence and darkness, especially during the night.

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Tip 5: Let your baby fall asleep independently

It is important to teach your baby to fall asleep independently. Therefore, put your baby to bed when they are sleepy but not yet fully asleep. If you notice your baby is sleepy or tired, don’t wait too long.

If your baby wakes up at night, wait a moment to see if they fall back asleep on their own. Because babies’ sleep is so fragmented, they often do fall back asleep. Of course, they could also be hungry, going through many emotions, experiencing a growth spurt, or be sick. As parents, you will eventually recognize the signals that can disrupt your baby’s sleep rhythm, whether temporarily or not. Pay extra attention if your baby is sick or behaving differently than usual.

Especially when major changes occur, your baby often needs time to adjust. Situations that seem simple to us, such as moving house, a vacation, or the first days at daycare, can generate quite a lot of stimuli for your baby. This sometimes affects sleep patterns. Taking the time to let your little one adjust ensures less stress in these situations.

Tip 6: Stay well-informed—let them cry or?

It often seems effective in the short term because it becomes quiet; however, research by Wendy Middlemiss et al. from 2012 shows that cortisol levels often peak for a long time after the relative calm. It appears that babies who ‘cry it out’ have entered a kind of survival mode; Marilene de Zeeuw calls it learned helplessness. The child, in a sense, gives up hope for comfort.

However, although this research made an impression, we would also like to point out the criticisms of it. It was a relatively small study in an unfamiliar sleep environment with unknown caregivers, and later studies have not been able to demonstrate the long-term elevation of cortisol.

This video sheds a clear light on what science actually says today. It also provides many other useful tips!

How do you get an overtired baby to sleep?

An overtired baby is often overstimulated, and the resulting stress prevents your baby from sleeping well. Especially when major changes occur, your baby often needs time to adjust. Situations that seem simple to us, such as moving house, a vacation, or the first days at daycare, can generate quite a lot of stimuli for your baby. This sometimes affects sleep patterns. Taking the time to let your little one adjust ensures less stress in these situations.

Stay calm yourself; more stress won’t help. Shorten the sleep ritual and ensure your baby ends up in bed quickly and calmly. A dark, quiet room is recommended. Your proximity, a sleeping bag, or some gentle rocking can sometimes help. Then, place your baby quietly in bed.

Is your baby often overtired or overstimulated without any known major changes? Be sure to discuss this with your GP or at the child health clinic.

How much sleep is actually normal for a baby?

A baby up to 6 to 8 weeks old needs feeding every 2 to 3 hours on average, but they can sometimes sleep for up to 6 hours straight. From 6 weeks onwards, babies begin to develop their biological clock. As a result, according to Kind en Gezin, more than half of 6-month-old babies will already sleep for 6 to 8 hours at a time, primarily at night.

From about 1 year of age, you’ll notice that sleep time during the night truly increases. Of course, daytime naps still occur. As they get older, up to about three years, this gradually evolves into an afternoon nap of 1 or 2 hours.

Is it a problem if a baby sleeps very little?

Help! Suddenly things are different and my baby is clearly sleeping worse… That’s possible! We call this period a sleep regression. This period is linked to learning a new motor skill. A ‘leap’ can also cause temporarily worse sleep but is more closely linked to mental processes.

Babies also have shorter sleep cycles than adults. They essentially string together shorter periods of sleep. On average, a sleep cycle for a baby is about 45 minutes. After that, they wake up briefly and fall back asleep. If your baby temporarily sleeps a bit less but you offer more than enough sleep time, their sleep will naturally become more regular again. This is how they gradually learn to sleep in this wonderful world.

What to do if your baby won’t sleep – conclusion

Keep in mind that it can take a while for your baby to get used to a new routine. As parents, you are trying to teach your child to sleep, and that is a long process of trial and error. In the meantime, take good care of yourself and try to coordinate with each other. That way, neither of you has to face it alone. And enjoy the peace when your baby sleeps during the day. If you can, try to get some extra sleep yourself.

Here are some additional tips that may help:

• Ensure your baby eats and drinks enough before going to bed.
• Create a calm atmosphere before your baby goes to bed.
• Avoid using electronic devices near your baby’s bed.
• If your baby has trouble falling asleep, you can give them a gentle massage or sing softly.

If you have calmly tried everything you’ve read and notice that your baby still has a lot of trouble falling asleep, you might consider seeking professional help.

Useful links for young parents regarding baby sleep:

• Netherlands: Parenting
• Belgium: Kind en Gezin
• The Discontented Little Baby Book, Dr. Pamela Douglas (now also available in Dutch via vakbladvroeg.nl, with a foreword by Marilene de Zeeuw and Maartje Luijk)